dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
