And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
