We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize