ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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