By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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