Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize