I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
