I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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