so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
