this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
