we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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