drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
