Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
