I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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