I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
