You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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