discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
