I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish you could order shots online.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
