If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
