Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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