Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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