She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
