so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
