I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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