just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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