i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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