So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
