I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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