I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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