Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
