In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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