**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
