Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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