well you can't waste a boner
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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