His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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