The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
