so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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