shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
