My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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