he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
