It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
