One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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