I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
