so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
