And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
