I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
