mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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