You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
