I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
