he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
