I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
