Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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