Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
