ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
