he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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