Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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