I can text with my tongue
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
