HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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