he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
