I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
